Last Weekend

This past weekend was a big weekend for lots of people in my life and for many reasons.  This past weekend my darling cousin Maddie got engaged, my loving late grandfather's ashes were placed in their final resting place, and it was my last weekend before I start working. 


While I an thankful for Maddie's engagement and the closure some of my family recieved with Pa's ceremony, I am deeply wounded that I was not a part of it. 

I couldn't be happier for Maddie.  I got the surprise engagement party e-vite weeks ago and was upset that I wasn't able to go but I was so happy, excited and honored to be included.  The night of her engagement I received a picture of her ring (complements of my gracious cousin Hannah) and felt included.  I was a part of this exciting time for Maddie, Matt and the Cuppett family even though I wasn't there. 

Here is where it gets tricky. 

Pa's ceremony, I was not a part of.  For one, I didn't even know about it until about 1 o'clock the day after (today).  That in itself, speaks volumes.  Now, we can dismiss this first mishap with the excuse that I wouldn't be able to come because I live here in NC, so informing me of the get-together holds little importance.  Maybe that's a valid reason in some minds, in others it may not be.  Mine, not so much.

Secondly, when I heard of how the ceremony was carried out and who all was there, I feel like this:  I. WAS.  LEFT. OUT.  Intentionally or not, the damage is done. That hurts.  This was a big deal.  No matter how someone may try to play it down, Pa was important to us all.  We all had a special relationship with him.  I had a special, one-of-a-kind relationship with him and he was (and is) important to ME.  Don't I matter too?  After all, isn't this ceremony FOR HIM?  Or, is it for us?-The others left behind here on earth while Pa graced his presence in Heaven?  The service was important and I was not a part of it.  I can't even say I was there in spirit because I didn't even know about it.

That being said, I can't help but think of how it would have been if Pa had had the privilege of planning it himself... Without actually going there, here is my point: I WOULD HAVE BEEN INCLUDED.

While no one is to blame for these unfortunate series of events, I can't help but be a little envious of those who were there, who got to be a part of it, who were involved in the planning and those who helped carry out those plans; simply because, I was not one of those chosen few.  For that, I am hurt.


On a lighter note, my last weekend as "unemployed" is coming to an end.  In spite of my sinus infection, I had a pretty productive week and weekend.  I laid out one day this week--soaking up all the vitamin D I could, in hopes of curing my sinus infection I had the days before.  I got all my laundry done! (Can I get an AMEN?)   I washed  everything I own: towels, sheets, clothing (including the 7 dresses Kinley goes through a day) until the only dirty laundry I had was what me and Kin had on.  I cleaned my room, bathroom and rescheduled appointments I would be unable to keep considering my new schedule.  I've almost got all my ducks in a row so that come tomorrow morning, I'll be ready to take on my first real job! 

Wish me luck!